Siberia

The one question that I’m always asked more than any other is: “Where in the world would you like to visit that you have not been to yet?” And the answer is always: SIBERIA.

We’re just finished filming in Siberia for the last two and a half weeks… Ooh yeah… and I loved every minute of it. It also reminded me of how much I adore this kind of landscape more that any other place on earth. There’s something about the snowy mountain wilderness, the isolation and that final frontier feeling that makes me go do-lally. The people that live in these extreme conditions are as tough as old boots, they have to be because the environment is so harsh and their history is so brutal, its like they’ve been chiselled out of raw granite, but once you chip away at that persona they are the warmest and most hospitable people you are ever likely to meet.

Anywhere around the Arctic Circle I feel at home. Greenland, Northern Canada, Alaska, Norway and at last Siberia. Fantastic. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to visit these places but if I lived there I probably wouldn’t last 5 minutes…. -47 IS WRONG.

That old boring saying that everyone keeps saying: “Ian, there’s no such thing as bad weather… its just bad clothing…” Annoying, but it’s TRUE! That’s why is takes 4 hours to get ready in the morning because you have to put so many layers on… and then – as soon as you’re in the middle of nowhere – 20 minutes later YOU WILL WANT TO GO TO THE TOILET… It’s sod’s law… It’s then that you feel the real -47 bite.

TRAVEL TIP: For the good of the environment, always take your dirty do-do’s back with you in a plastic bag.. I’ve still got 60 full bags back home in my freezer… keep your eye on eBay, they’re going like hot cakes!

Talk about isolated, we started our journey in Petropavlovs-Kamchatskiy which is in KAMCHATKA, the nutty piece of land that pokes out from the far eastern of Russia, north of Japan. Where its -30 and completely caked in snow, BEAUTIFUL. Although even I had to check it out on the map before I left, I’d never heard of it. But if you play the board game RISK then you knew that it is the land used as a spring-board to invade America. Sadly I was playing Dungeons & Dragons at the time… so hey… I know where Mordor and Fangorn Forest is… don’t judge me, I did have green hair at the time…

7 hours drive north from the capital P-K is the small village of ESSO, right In the middle of this icey desert and it was here that they where hosting the annual Reindeer Festival.

TRAVEL TIP: Remember, If you just happen to stumble across a herd of reindeer 500 strong and want to be accepted by the whole pack, just piss onto the snow, near the herd and you’ll all be friends for life. I did and it works.

The highlights of the festival were, reindeer racing, jumping the sledge, running with a large stick, singing, dancing and of course topless male snow wrestling. I entered the wrestling event, quietly confident that I would kick some Siberian arse, until I saw my opponent who was the 6 foot human triangle with crab claws instead of arms which seemed a bit unfair. 20 seconds later I was putting my top back on, spitting out a month full of snow while the crowd laughed… I feel that, not only did I let my country down, but I let myself down too.

6 time zones later we were in real Siberia, at the small town of KYZYL in the province of TUVA, right near the Mongolia boarder. More wonderful snowy isolation. This time we we’re recording amazing throat singing, a traditional Tuva dance and hanging out on a sheep & cattle farm with the local shaman… Ahh… the delights of home-made vodka. I’ll swear I lost a whole day!!!

Then its was 24 hours on the most evocative and romantic railway journey in the world… The TRANS-SIBERIAN EXPRESS. As train rides go, It doesn’t get better than this. Everyone has to do it once in their live time. Sadly our trip was TOO short. Once we’d had the caviar, bread, vodka and gone to sleep, it was all over. But I have promised my BEAUTIFUL wife that we will do the whole 7 days to BEIJING via Mongolia… Wow, I can’t wait already!

From NOVOSIBIRSK to TOMSK was another 7 hour road trip. Tomsk is a beauty, some of the wooden buildings are over 400 years old.. here my body was thrashed with sticks in the sauna, I joined a Siberian super-model agency, had a cat-fight on the cat-walk and interviewed a man who had survived the Gulag death camps for 10 years, at 85 years old, he was an amazing person….

That was my trip my trip to Siberia and I loved EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

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